It is what it is … or is it?
What can we control?
What can we influence?
What is out of our control?
What we can control (usually) is my response to what I can influence and what I cannot control.
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What are you reading?
Two books I read for my upcoming talk on Stronger Network THIS WEEK: (https://www.strongernetwork.com/strongerconference ) are Lost and Founder by Rand Fishkin and Rework by Freid and Hansson.
I am reading a few books on connection and human relationships for a talk later on in 2023, too: Belonging by Geoffrey Cohen, Connections (again) by Larry Crabb, and The Love Prescription by John and Julie Gottman. There may be other books I read, if I have time.
In 2022 I read The Extended Mind by Annie Paul and I am still reading Radical Leadership by Sprenger (with a client)
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We have talked about the seven deadly sins, and their “opposites”, the seven virtues and now I want to tie in EQ – Emotional Intelligence.
But what is Emotional Intelligence? It is composed of four areas:
1. Self-awareness (know yourself, your strengths and weaknesses- this could be the virtue of humility)
2. Self-management (this would include the virtues of diligence, temperance, and chastity)
3. Social awareness (this would include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)
4. Relationship management (this would be the virtue of patience but also include the virtues of charity/good works and kindness)
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Last time I talked about the seven deadly sins and how they are pernicious in our present culture. Now I want to talk about the opposites and how to cultivate them in our lives and promote them in society. First, here are the deadly sins once more:
Sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, envy, wrath, and pride.
The virtues to cultivate are:
chastity, temperance, charity (or good works/love in action), diligence, kindness, patience, and humility.
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Recently I was at a birthday party and the topic of gluttony came up. Surprise! The food was plenteous and delicious
Then we went on to discuss the “seven deadly sins”, mostly focusing on the real big one: pride and that got me thinking about the sins and their opposites, the virtues – and Wikipedia* (below) gave me a wonderful table not only with the sins, but their opposites… these opposites, the virtues, look very much like what Daniel Goleman calls EQ, or Emotional Intelligence.
Let’s look at the sins first in this blog, and then the opposites in the next, and finally tie them to EQ in the final blog in this series; EQ has come up in a recent hiring round I am part of, btw., as it is one of the asked for characteristics of most new hires.
Sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, envy, wrath, and pride.
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Here’s my annual blog with the traditional addendum of a time of personal reflection for you at the end. I hope your year has been as full and profitable as mine!
Here are some of my recent activities:
· General business coaching and career coaching (including transitions)
· Start-up coaching
· Leadership Supervision
· General Supervision mostly in my “intervision” groups (yes, I attend two, now)
· Burnout and Resilience Coaching and Supervision
· Executive and management coaching, specifically for owners and leaders of SMEs ….
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Self-efficacy is a key part of resilience.
So, what’s your S-E Quotient? Your SE-Q?
Here’s some theory for the nosy part of us all:
Do you know what your Self-Efficacy Quotient is?Well, you should care about it and know generally at what level it is.
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How are you moving forward this and next week?
This is, most likely, your last push before the holiday crush and then it’s the holiday break.
So, how do you decide what is most important, next important, etc.
Do you know which activities bring you the most clients/customers, or financial turnover? Do those activities.
The rest of your to-dos can fall away till January.
Make sure your WHY is in the decision-making process, too.
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Maybe you have all your ducks in a row, but something seems to be stopping you from moving forward? Is there something intangible slowing down your business?
Maybe you have inner conflicts with yourself that need addressing so you can start moving forward again.
A while ago week I read a wonderful book by negotiation expert Professor Dr. William Ury of Harvard Business School called Getting to Yes with Yourself and I found some treasures to help us out of those stuck places in business and in life.
Here’s Ury’s 6-Step Model…
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Shiny objects and Rabbit holes – “fun” distractions that keep you from the Main Thing
Sometimes in a workday, especially for those who have the double-sided coin of flexible choices of what to do when, we are easily distracted by things that draw us from our “One Thing” or “Best thing”.
A person wrote me today and said that his answer to the question ofwhat is an Entrepreneur's "Achille's Heel"“I think it's loosing focus and spending too much time on things which are not relevant for customers. “
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Let’s consider success:
What do you want, really?
Will it be the same in five years? In ten? Fifteen? Twenty years?
How do those answers to the first question help you to make your decision about your next steps?
What will you value when you are 45? 50? 55? 60? …?
But back to the question: what do you really want?
Do you need or want to start something new?
There are some steps involved in the process, even before something new becomes “a THING”.
To be successful, here are some points to think about.
· Make mistakes and learn
· Do something new and learn
· Own what you do
· It’s all about your development as a human being
· Keep on being your responsible authentic self
· Remember it’s all about community and adding value to the “world”
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Failure- it’s good, not bad – and failure at work is not likely to demotivate
Have you made some (work) mistakes, well, good!
You’re human. So am I! That’s wonderful, btw! We humans make mistakes and fail sometimes.
It is not the mistake or the failure that is the problem.
The problem is not learning from them, or even sometimes, not being willing to make any mistakes, to be outside of your comfort zone. Then you don’t move- and certainly don’t change.
Learning how to avoid failures from previous ones is one way to get ahead. Below you will find a list of 10 causes of failure focusing on leaders, which is taken from Napoleon Hill and some ideas for 2022-23 – it’s a bit edited for a more modern way of thinking.
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As some of you know, I blog BUT actually, I am a lecturer and trainer, a business coach, supervisor and a spiritual director. The next two blogs will be about supervision vs. coaching, starting with supervision.
What is Supervision, after all?
Supervision is a relational process of personal development where the client(s)become aware of and reflect on and then develop their personal resources for positive change both regarding themselves and their work environment.
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I am Looking Forward and Dealing with Today – being grateful in everything.
I hope you remember the PPFs model. Past-Present-Future.
Remember and be grateful for the past, even the hard times.
Savor the present – the good and the hard parts.
Look forward to the future with hope and anticipation.
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The Art of knowing when to keep on going and when to quit.
OR maybe you pivot (more next time).
Business is a lot like gambling, and oh-so-long-ago a famous country western singer, Kenny Rogers, wrote a song called “The Gambler”- I have known it since my childhood. One of the phrases is “You’ve got to know when to hold them (cards)… know when to fold them.” When to keep playing the hand you’ve been dealt and when to quit.
When do you continue on your chosen path and when do you change and do something new? That’s the question.
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Are you too focused on the past?
Do you focus on the future too much?
Where is your energy spent?
Are you able to savor and be grateful for the present situation?
When the future can overshadow the present, positive or negative, you are missing out.
When the past does the same you are missing out.
Savor the present, too! Be grateful.
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What do you want, really?
Last weekend I wrote about new endeavors.
Do you need or want to start something new? There are some steps involved in the process, even before it becomes “a THING”. To be successful, I suggested some ideas.
The first and most difficult part is to ask yourself this: What do you want?
The second question is what do you need?
These are two different questions and, depending on the circumstances, what you need will help determine what you want.
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Reading books brings me joy, especially during holidays.
I have read or finished quite a few books this holiday time in Tenerife and I want to share some highlights in case you need or wish for something new to read.
Besides telling you about the books I am reading and what I have read, I want to challenge you to go on holiday and do what you love while on holiday. For me it is reading books. What it is for you may be a very different activity, but go somewhere, see some now scenery and enjoy doing what you love. It will do you, your creativity, your work, and oyur company good.
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We all need to keep “fresh” and grow.
But not every attempt at a change is successful. Some are, of course, failures.
Failure is the next step towards success. Those “blips” I consider “learning events” when we take the time to reflect and learn from the situation.
You can change, too.
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Summer is a wonderful time to celebrate. The nights are long and the temperatures not too hot (in the evenings).
Celebration is an important part of life – and success.
When you celebrate something, you give it weight and consider it special. So, I ask again, what are you celebrating?
People who celebrate and who are grateful, in general, are healthier and happier than the negative crowd. Research says it, not just me.
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