So, maybe you are an adult TCK (third culture kid) or know of one. I often work with them as a coach, supervisor, or spiritual director. Last week I met a new one, something I wasn’t expecting since she comes from Iowa, which is not known to have a lot of TCKs. Zürich and Baden do have a lot of them.
What is a TCK and why are adult and older teen TCKs especially coming to me. The first answer is easy, the second more complicated.
A TCK is someone who, according to Wikipedia, “a person who spends a significant part of their childhood or developmental years living outside their parents' home or passport culture. They mix elements of their birth culture with the host cultures they experience, creating a unique "third culture" identity.” The person I met with on Friday said with surprise, “There is a title to us! How interesting!” Then I suggested that she read the premier book from David Pollack and co called, “Third Culture Kids”.
Here are some things that TCKs have in common:
Mixed Identity: They blend aspects of where they live, where their parents are from, and global nomadic experiences.
Common Backgrounds: Often children of diplomats, irefugees, immigrants, nternational business workers, missionaries, or military personnel.
Global Outlook: Usually open-minded, adaptable, and often multilingual.
Here are only some of he challenges these special people often face:
The "Where are you from?" Dilemma: Finding it hard to name a single hometown or home country. Yesterday I spoke with M. and I asked her that question and there was this pause as she tried to make an “elevator pitch” answer for a complicated reality.
Rootlessness: Feeling a sense of belonging everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It is the feeling that “home is illusive”.
Reverse Culture Shock: Struggling to fit in when returning to their "passport country". Knowing that the place you live in is not what you can expect, once you have returned. It is this knowledge that the place you thought you knew does not, in reality, exist.
Saying goodbye is much more common in their lives: This causes the grief process to kick in. TCKs have had to do the “goodbye grief process” so many times and etend to ither they close down to new relationships or become superficial to protect themselves from more grief and more goodbyes.
Trauma is real and common for TCKs For a lot of complicated reasons, TCKs have experienced trauma. Trauma needs to be dealt with carefully, and I am trained to be trauma informed, but when the person is in need of a therapist, I have a list of reputable ones to refer my clients to.
Why me? Why do TCKs come to me for coaching? Or for supervision? Or for spiritual direction?
As I said, that is complicated and it starts with my family of origing and my early life experiences. Then it moves to my family and my training here in Switzerland. This I will write more about next time.
If you are intrigued and/or interested in chatting, write me at patricia@jehle-coaching.com
Have a lovely week,
Patricia Jehle