Who do we see? Who do we hear? Who do we believe?

It cannot about ME it is about WE – we cannot be self-serving anymore.; the times are too precarious The time to act is now and – you and I – we must move.

Democracy, Dialogue and Diversity are about the WE.

That was the title of our EASC Conference in Budapest earlier this month and it all is still ruminating in my mind. Each of these words is about we, not me.

So, who gets to define reality in a dialogue?
This question stayed with me after Amitis Sedghi ’s keynote at the EASC (European Association for Supervision and Coaching) Congress in Budapest called “EASC Connects: Diversity, Democracy, Dialogue”.  During her presentation, Amitis invited us to look at polarized dialogue through three important lenses: power, narrative and representation. I was really moved and the talk is still working in me.
Power: Who has the authority to define what is real, relevant, or acceptable?
Narrative: Which stories shape the way we interpret events, people, and opposing views?
Representation: Who influences the conversation, and whose perspective is still missing?
In an increasingly complex information environment, dialogue is no longer simply about exchanging opinions but also about noticing the structures around the conversation. This begs for questions:
Who gets heard? - Who is believed? - Who is represented, and really allowed to represent?
And who has learned to stay silent because previous conversations showed them that their voice would not matter?
For me, this iwaswhere the three topics of the conference last month came together.
Diversity is what we are and shoulod be “allowed to be”.
Dialogue is what we can do to grow in our “WE-ness”; and it is what coaching and supervision stand on: our foundation.
Democracy is what we – all of “WE” need to move forward together..
Again, let us ask the question in a different way: who gets to define reality, to define truth in our dialogue?

Let us apply these thoughts and questions. When you and I only stay in our “nice people who are like us and who like us, with our happy and easy-experience of life bubble” and we do not really take a look at the world’s reality, what is happening to those who are not like us, we are certainly not encouraging Democracy, Dialogue and Diversity. We are, I would like to point out, in effect, hurting our world.

I was recently in Minnesota; USA– some people might remember that ICE was there in the early part of the year and the world saw a tiny glimpse of what was really happening there. The people I visited in Minnesota told me their stories.

AND

ICE has not left Minnesota; nor has it stopped its shooting of innocent people all over the US, most of those people, those human beings, have been “people with appropriate papers” or even US citizens.

Here are few examples of my friends’ REALITY and the stories I have been told:

My friends’ children went to school with Alex Pretti, the nurse killed assisting a woman last winter. Needless to say, that “headline” has become a very personal reality for my friends, their children and now for me. People I care for have been traumatized because of this killing.

Then there are my friends and family who brought groceries to people (all people with papers, many are citizens) this past winter because they were afraid to leave their homes. People did not leave their homes for months.  These people are not WASP, like some of us and are still being targeted. All. Over. The US.

They did not go to work or school. They did not go out for a nice walk or to exercise. They did not go to the doctor. They did not buy food.

This was – and is their reality.

One person, a friend of a friend of mine, was held by ICE for two weeks on the way to a water aerobics class and then that person was unable to go to class afterwards for a couple of months because of their fear.  Traumatized!

I have a family member who needs special care and that person’s carers, all with papers and one a US citizen, were afraid to leave their homes. My dear family member received no care during that time.

So, my family was affected deeply and very personally with the Minnesota ICE invasion.

I have friends (loads of them) as well as family members who have volunteered in many ways - and who have also protested (in VERY COLD weather) – and they continue to work for democracy in Minnesota and around the United States.

Most of these truths , their reality, except for Alex Pretti and his lost life, were unannounced in the “big headlines” , but they are their reality. The real truth, in my opinion. Probably part of this is that certain powerful people do not want the reality I heard of be heard; but a lot of it is that we do not want to hear about it for maybe “good” reasons, like “I will get traumatized, myself”. Or “I prefer only to hear good news”. Or… you fill in the blank. But it could be that democracy is in danger when we get so calloused.

Also, Europe has become more volatile, too.

Now let me move to Europe where I live and work; even if I live in the especially nice and safe Swiss “bubble”, I experience what is happening in Europe though economic situations, relatives, friends, colleagues and the “news”.

Even at our EASC conference last month we felt a palpable discouragement with the lack of democracy and dialogue from all over the continent. After all, the E in EASC stands for “European” and we want to represent coaches and supervisors from all over the continent and into the MENA region.

In Europe I have a good friend who is not “WASP” – translation from US code white and Christian – who is being targeted by at least one person, and it could be a group of people, because of bigotry or maybe because of what this person does in the community.  I know and care for this person deeply and the conversations we have are heart wrenching.

So, what are we going to do about our friends and family, our neighbors in the near – and far –who are not “WASP” or part of the great majority of folks where we live? Are we going to stand up for them? Protect them? Have dialogue with the “other people”?

It is known that here in Europe, actually in the US and other places too, there is a generation of “younger” people who cannot remember what happened in WWII.

That is not their fault, but they are accepting white “Christian” nationalism, which is only another version of evil fascism in my mind. Maybe we need to tell the younger generations. Maybe we who are “older” should know better and we need to get out of our comfy armchairs and at least say something, if not do something. So what are you and I going to do? It is not a time to act helpless. Maybe we need to start dialogues with those who disagree with us.

At our conference we signed a declaration and next month we, the EASC, will have a conversation about that declaration and ask other coaching and supervision organizations to join us and sign that declaration. It is my hope that we, those people whose professions are grounded in dialogue will come together with this initiative. But that is “just” my profession. We all need to think “WE”.

So, you and I must find something to do that helps and does not hurt the true reality – do what hits your heart, do not stay seated in your (and my) comfy blue chair wearing your (my) “rose colored glasses” where every day is sunny and bright.

Let you and I do something, even if it is small.

Start this week. Here are some ideas:

Serve at a soup kitchen where people do not look like you. Volunteer with your local refugee service organization, even if you are scared that you will be misunderstood because they do not speak the language of your land. Donate your clothes and bring them to that charity shop where “those people” shop – or do something really novel: talk to that street person.

Make a real friend  (not a selfie friend from you holidays) who is not like you (Diversity!). Find a neighbor who is really not like you and work on friendship.

Then the dialogue will begin.

Have a good weekend,

Patricia                         patricia@jehle-coaching.com