Telling the truth is easier
What you do and say is important – for life and work
It’s amazing how important it is to be what you (and your company) present yourself as. As a client of mine says, “It you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember what you have said. It makes life much easier.” She is so spot-on! I’ve been quoting her ever since she said this in a group supervision I was leading. I used the quote this past weekend with a friend who wants to encourage her son to be transparent at work.
I thought about it when a friend shared some of the struggles she has been having with her (not truthful) spouse and how most everything comes down to being who you say you are. The inside and the outside match- no hiding.
I thought about it when sharing my own struggles with a few friends regarding the upcoming months and what is “on my plate” for work and life. Be honest, I told myself, and I did. It’s about our integrity, one of the points on Goleman’s EQ list.
Integrity
If you are a person of integrity you are like this, according to Dr. Henry Cloud from his book integrity,
· You connect authentically (and thus build trust)
· You are oriented towards speaking and wanting to know the truth (operates in reality)
· You get results and finish well (reaches goals, follows the mission, gets profits)
· You are able to deal with conflict and hard truths (solving problems, transforming problems, ending problems)
· You are growth oriented (leads to increase)
· You see and can explain the big picture (systems are not scary, and you are able to transcend)
Of course, we all have gaps in the above list, but as people who want a good character – and as bosses wanting team members with integrity – we can see the gaps positively: as opportunities for growth. Take your gaps, one at a time, and work on them. If you say you have no gaps, consider these points that point to gaps (also from Dr. Cloud):
1. Hitting a performance ceiling that is much lower than your aptitude
2. Hitting obstacles or situations that derail you
3. Self-destructing when you reach (great) success
When you see your own gaps it allows you to grow and change and have more integrity in the holistic sense. Then you can:
· See reality as it really is, no rose-colored glasses, no morose futures; it’s just reality. We then know there are no easy ways to reach our goals and solutions. We know we must work on ourselves and we know we are “under construction”. This gives us patience with others, too.
· Understand and work with our characters. When we know what is wrong we are over half way to the solution, even when it comes to working on ourselves.
· Work towards full integration of our characters. Wow!
Patricia Jehle